In “Stepmonster”, Wednesday Martin writes about wanting a real wall to provide a boundary for the bedroom she shares with her husband. Real or otherwise, with actual walls or perceived ones, Step Moms do need to find, create or build a sacred space all for themselves, an oasis if you will in which to relax, recharge and release.
In the first home my husband and I shared together, I did believe this would be our bedroom until I came home one day to find my Step Daughter stretched across the bed chatting with her Dad. I’m sure this may have happened in their original home, but man, was I not going to stand for it in mine.
Married or otherwise, my bedroom has always been a sacred space for me. I am one of those people who chooses to set up my bedroom first when moving into a new home, knowing that at the end, middle or beginning of the day, I will have that space to come home to, retreat to and wake up to.
Your space need not be your bedroom, but creating YOUR space is indeed a necessity…even if it’s just yours for a part of the day and it is understood that there will be no interruptions or knocks on the door.
After discovering my Step Daughter in the bedroom I shared with my husband, in the home that was OUR primary residence, that my hard-earned money was going to pay for, I didn’t immediately react but instead waited for the time after they had all gone home to say…”Hey buddy, that wasn’t cool.” You see, we had talked about the bedroom just being our place. I really didn’t care if the kids ran roughshod over the rest of the house, I just wanted the boundary drawn at the door to our room and really didn’t think that was a lot to ask.
And in typical male fashion his response was “Oh yeah I forgot”. This reminded me that not every incident within my new family dynamic was created deliberately or to hurt me, but could just happen as a result of the sometimes unreliable mechanics of the male mind. Just the same as forgetting to buy milk at the grocery store, these guys can forget some of our requests as well and every now and then, although we’d like to rip a strip off them because they usually deserve it, we really do need to cut them some slack :)
Doesn’t mean you let yourself get run all over, just means you stop and think about how the situation may have occurred before the beheading happens.
Find it, decorate it, protect it and revel in it. That sacred space you establish in your home, your own little corner of the Universe will come in handy more often than not :)