Step Moms Sacred Space

In “Stepmonster”, Wednesday Martin writes about wanting a real wall to provide a boundary for the bedroom she shares with her husband. Real or otherwise, with actual walls or perceived ones, Step Moms do need to find, create or build a sacred space all for themselves, an oasis if you will in which to relax, recharge and release.

In the first home my husband and I shared together, I did believe this would be our bedroom until I came home one day to find my Step Daughter stretched across the bed chatting with her Dad. I’m sure this may have happened in their original home, but man, was I not going to stand for it in mine.

Married or otherwise, my bedroom has always been a sacred space for me. I am one of those people who chooses to set up my bedroom first when moving into a new home, knowing that at the end, middle or beginning of the day, I will have that space to come home to, retreat to and wake up to.

Your space need not be your bedroom, but creating YOUR space is indeed a necessity…even if it’s just yours for a part of the day and it is understood that there will be no interruptions or knocks on the door.

After discovering my Step Daughter in the bedroom I shared with my husband, in the home that was OUR primary residence, that my hard-earned money was going to pay for, I didn’t immediately react but instead waited for the time after they had all gone home to say…”Hey buddy, that wasn’t cool.” You see, we had talked about the bedroom just being our place. I really didn’t care if the kids ran roughshod over the rest of the house, I just wanted the boundary drawn at the door to our room and really didn’t think that was a lot to ask.

And in typical male fashion his response was “Oh yeah I forgot”. This reminded me that not every incident within my new family dynamic was created deliberately or to hurt me, but could just happen as a result of the sometimes unreliable mechanics of the male mind. Just the same as forgetting to buy milk at the grocery store, these guys can forget some of our requests as well and every now and then, although we’d like to rip a strip off them because they usually deserve it, we really do need to cut them some slack 🙂

Doesn’t mean you let yourself get run all over, just means you stop and think about how the situation may have occurred before the beheading happens.

Find it, decorate it, protect it and revel in it. That sacred space you establish in your home, your own little corner of the Universe will come in handy more often than not 🙂

Happy Building!!

PJ xo

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Sue on November 21, 2011 at 9:42 am

    When my husband and I got married, I moved into his home because we felt it was important for the kids, who lived with him, to have that stability. It was the house he and his ex had picked out, and he considered it his dream location, but I hated living there right from the get go, and that was before I realized that I would have no space I could call my own. Our bedroom eventually became our sacred space, but I have to admit that one of the happiest days in our marriage came when we moved into our own place. Ånd now that the kids are grown and out of the house? It’s all my space! Mwahahahaha. =)

    Reply

    • I love the Mwahahaha!! And it’s so great to hear from another SM who is enjoying life now that the Skids are out on their own. Time does pass and things do change, even though there are times when we feel like we’re losing our minds. Thanks for weighing in!
      Enjoy your space lol.
      PJ xoxo

      Reply

  2. Posted by jessmaier on March 29, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    I think this is important in any marriage; whether it is with kids or step-children. My own parents were clear about the bedroom being their space, and I’m doing that now with my boyfriend and his daughter. It isn’t off limits, but she does need permission.

    Reply

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