Step Moms: Time Passes, Things Change

It’s true, and I am a living testament to the value of sticking with it. Time passes, things change and life as you know it is changed on the other side of being immersed in a life that includes Step Kids.

You become you again, your marriage takes priority again and your Skids, well, they turn into adults, living their lives on their own terms and the beauty of bearing witness to that is immeasurable.

I have been thinking lately that maybe, as we go through the day-to-day drudgery and hurt that can be part of life in a Step Family, we give too much power to the drama, take it too personally and add fuel to a flame that would be better left alone. I have come to the conclusion that some of that just might be true.

We can’t be blamed for it, it’s a natural knee jerk reaction to being thrown to the wolves 🙂 But, it does end. And if knowing this going in can help you keep perspective as life as you knew it spins completely out of control then I truly hope you take this bit of information to heart.

Almost daily now, I get to revel in the change. In the evolution of my own Step Family from moments of terrifying high drama to what has now become a peaceful and welcoming coexistence. Does that take any of the pain from the past 10 years way? Nope, it doesn’t. But it does validate the belief I had all along that the day would come when the tide would change and things would find their groove.

And it did… in a quiet way, at the dinner table this past Good Friday as each of my Skids sat at our table, partners by their sides…and then, they went home…home to their own lives that we now just have an auxiliary role in.

And, it was beautiful! As the house was quiet later in the evening, as my husband and I crawled into bed together after a long and fun day, I had the most amazing inner celebration happening that I can ever remember experiencing.

So, if you are out there, stripped bare and vulnerable, wondering why you ever got yourself into this in the first place… it’s for that moment, and that moment will come. In some unpredictable way, it will just happen, and your life will naturally alter itself to your new reality, your new rhythm and every single moment, tear and dread will validate itself.

In the meantime, be strong and be fair; be open and be honest; love with all that you have and take the time you need for yourself.

Cheers to your “AHA” moment!!

PJ xoxo

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5 responses to this post.

  1. Wow, thanks. I needed those words. I’m two years into being a step mom and we’re revving up for the teen years. It’s nice to know that there is calm after the rain!

    Reply

    • Total calm, just make sure you build in a little self protection as you navigate through the next 5 years. This time is just as important in your life as it is in your Skids… and have a ton of fun with your husband so you can relish in how well you managed everything on the flip side.
      Be well and be happy!
      PJ xoxo

      Reply

  2. Posted by Dano on September 13, 2011 at 8:33 am

    Ugh I really hope things get better. When I first moved in, my boyfriends’ two teenage daughters loved me. It was the family I always dreamed of having. Their own mother didn’t have much to do with them. Their mother realized how much they liked me and and became evil. She starting doing things with the kids which is good but she was being spiteful.The kids were happy to have her finally care and she used that and has turned them against me. I have tried all I can and it seems to get worse. I really love the girls but I don’t think they love me. It really hurts. I know time is supposed to heal all wounds but our relaionship is moving backwards. I hope you are right.

    Reply

  3. I know this is older, but I was wondering how you handle Mom around Mother’s Day. My hubby’s ex is getting increasingly spiteful, but we made it a point last year to do a craft for her with the kiddo. This year, she has the kiddo for May, but I’m wondering if we should still send a small gesture of appreciation despite her poor attitude? We try so hard to show that I am never trying to replace in her any way and that she as Mom is so appreciated in her daughter’s world. But, I guess the etiquette of it is, do you still do that in the time you don’t have the shared child, or is it overstepping?

    Reply

    • Sorry I’m late with this reply… Mother’s Day is for Moms and as such, Husbands and kids have the responsibility for making it a merry day for the Mom in question. It’s really also not your job to prove anything to her, your primary responsibility is to have a great marriage that will endure all that a step family can throw at you, and to provide a fair and engaging home for your hubby, yourself and his kids. You also need to make sure you’re OK through it all.
      What goes on in the Mom’s home is up to her and what goes on in your home is up to you and your husband. If you have the kiddo and want to do crafts with her for Mom’s day, I think that’s lovely, but for anything other than that my dear, you have no responsibility 🙂
      PJ xoxo

      Reply

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