Step Mom Comment on a Comment

A while back, sometime this past Spring, I received a comment on this blog talking about how studies have shown that divorce is indeed bad for children. I have thought about this comment a lot over the past number of months, thinking about personal experiences and those of my own family and friends, and now to that comment, I have this to say….

Where would we be today, as families, as communities, as a world, if not for the people who chose not to abide by what studies have shown and instead followed their own minds, hearts and dreams?

Where would we be if Bill Gates hadn’t chosen to buck societal dictates and stayed in University rather than starting a small business called Microsoft? Studies do show that people with a University degree earn higher salaries 🙂

Where would we be if any inventor or any visionary ever in history decided to limit themselves because some study showed that the train of thought they were entertaining didn’t have a hope of being successful because it didn’t work for the cross-section of the population that had been sampled for the study?

We would still believe the earth is flat….

As unique as each and every snowflake can ever be, so are the dynamics and personalities within a marriage, a family, a step family. How can we even entertain the idea of limiting our own ingenuity in the creation of solutions specific to our families because some study somewhere done with people completely unrelated to us says things should be a certain way and have a certain outcome?

I believe in science. And in the science behind studies. I believe science to be an excellent guide. I believe in evolution. I believe that as much as our species has evolved, so do we now, each and every minute of each and every day. But I also believe that science sees possibility in evolution. This to me means that even though a study may state results of a particular topic, it must also acknowledge the potential for alternate results.

I have visions of Stepford Wives running through my head as I even ponder entertaining the idea of acquiescing to a predetermined result because a study says that’s the way things should be.

Do we not owe it to the people in our families to explore that which creates possibility for us all? Do we not owe it to ourselves? Do we not, at the very least, deserve some credit for knowing what we’re doing when endeavouring to find the path of least resistance when attempting to meld that which makes us happy and the well-being of others?

Do we want to raise and nurture a generation of study followers who do not think for themselves, or would we prefer to be the instigators of creative original thought that fosters change, encourages courage and supports the path less travelled?

I have always and will for evermore choose to be part of the latter group… knowing full well that we still do need members of the former for perspective 🙂 (that was for the benefit of the study following comment leaver of course!)

Believe what you want and follow the tenets of your choosing, just do it for you, and not because popular opinion or some study told you to.

Thanks Bunches,

PJ xoxo

2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by AP on January 21, 2011 at 8:56 am

    I am glad to have stumbled across your site today! I am getting married to the man of my dreams this fall along with his 3 children. As a child of divorce, I can attest that even though I went through a lot of emotional challenges with my own parents divorce — it was one of the best things that could have happened. My father has found love and my mother has found independence. I couldn’t be happier for the both of them!


    • So glad to have gotten your note. And doubly glad to hear there is someone else out there who believes their parents divorce was a good thing. I have taken a lot of flack over that position, but at the end of the day still truly believe that some marriages need to end for the well being of all involved.
      All the best to you and yours!
      PJ xoxo


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