Moms Dealing with Kids’ Step Mom

And now for a perspective shift…

Moms dealing with the Step Mom of their children…

Important Note: There are a lot of things at play here, not the least of which is going to be the dispositions of the Mom and Step Mom in question. This post is written with the hope of reaching the hearts of both women while encouraging the idea of working from a place of love and compassion for all involved.

For Moms out there looking for ideas on how to manage a decent and respectful relationship with the Step Mom of your children, the new wife of your ex husband, please do keep this in mind…however you choose to behave and whatever course of action you decide to embark upon, the people who are going to be affected the most are the little ones with small voices…your own precious and adoring children.

This is truly where separation of relationships is key. And of course, there are many different scenarios and reasons for why you are all in the situation you’re in, however, at the end of the day, the adults in this mess should be able to practise a high level of self management and understand that they have to make the best of things while the children still do play an integral role in all your lives.

Marriages end.

And new ones begin.

Each situation offers the opportunity for new beginnings.

Step Moms…it is incumbent upon us to understand the perspective of the Mom of your new Step Kids(insert gasp), however, make no mistake, just because her bad behaviour might be understandable does not mean it is acceptable. At the end of the day, she gets why her marriage failed, she just may not be ready to face the realities of her husband’s new marriage because, well, it stings, and reminds her of what she perceives to be a huge failure in her life. Give her the benefit of the doubt, acting from a place of compassion and keeping the best interest of your new family in mind. You aren’t going to have to contend with her for a lifetime as the distance between you progressively gets larger as the kids grow and wander.

Cut her a little slack 🙂

Remember…. she is a woman with a bit of a broken heart who needs time to mend and find her own way…this can go on for years, but it is her own life she is making miserable by not taking the opportunity she has been granted for a little reinvention. It’s a sad state really, for women who remain bitter and cannot move past their divorces, but their choice just the same, so don’t bear their burden OK.

Moms… you are and for ever more will remain the core of your childrens’ lives. Don’t play with their tender little hearts by waging war on a situation they are going to have challenges navigating through themselves. Your ex-husband’s new wife came along far after the problems in your marriage began. If you need to take someone to task for the situation at hand, dole out the blame equally between your husband, and yourself…just do it out of ear shot of your children. Don’t forget, they have been witness to the demise of your marriage, offer them a little peace and quiet by keeping them out of the line of fire. AND, and this is a big AND, as tough as it might seem, each and every day offers you the opportunity for a new start….

Remember the line from Mama Mia…”time for a little repair and renovation…”

Make this your new mantra and spend some time doing what’s right for YOU now. Your kids will be so proud to see Mom in a new light, Happy Mom, Surviving Mom….all you have to do is make the choice to make it so. This choice will make it so much easier for you to manage this new level of relationships in your life. You’ll have greater confidence in yourself and it will show in all you do! Take advantage of this time to heal, to reclaim YOU and have a blast doing it…that’s the best possible way to figure out how to handle the new Step Mom of your kids…by being the best YOU you can be 🙂

To both Women…. Just Be Nice 🙂 Seriously. Your behaviour sets a standard the kids you now share will aspire to…good or bad…consider what you want them to take away from all this, and act accordingly.

Be good to one another,

LA xo

2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Krystle on January 5, 2010 at 10:16 am

    I have a situation and was hoping to seek some advice. My ex husband and I divorced 4 years ago and we have two boys together, ages 7 and 5. We are both remarried and I have had serious problems with his wife. She’s extremely possessive of him and has once asked him when her and her two children will be enough for him. When my boys go visit him, they witness her screaming and hitting him, she talks horribly about me in front of them. My ex and I get along great when she’s not around, but she expects him to be rude and disrespectful to me when she is around. She has told me there’s no reason for them to get along with me for mine and his children’s sake. “I’m merely the person they just have to deal with to get the boys”. “If all I have to deal with is some rudeness every now and then I should consider myself lucky”. She won’t return their brand new school clothes that were left over there, because they pay child support and I just need to get over it and go buy them some more. I can’t talk to my ex about it, because he denies everything, probably thinking I would accuse him of being a bad father (which is not true). He wants to leave her, but she’s pregnant and he now feels trapped. She is a very jealous person and I don’t know how else to deal with her. I have tried talking, but she blows everything way out of proportion or twist your words around. I can’t stand my kids over there because of her. What can I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!


  2. Posted by Alexis L on July 1, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    He wants to leave her but she is pregnant ? Its not very nice of him { your ex, her husband} to even be saying things of that nature to you. Maybe your kids are playing you . Kids tend to like to talk about the step parent to the other parent. There is no telling what they are saying to them about your husband.


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