An interesting client conversation today began the thought process behind this post and thought process required when we are dealing with the delicacies of Step Moms and Adult Children.
I don’t think we can possibly hope to cover all one would like in just one post, so I believe this will just have to be a series! Thus the new Evil Step Monster Category :)
The topic for today is two fold, with Dear Old Dad at the centre of each, afterall, he is the one who brought us all together in the first place right. Our love of and for Dad is what brings us together, and in some cases, the two very different forms of love can, have and will continue to tear us apart, leaving Dad to scratch his head in anxious wonder.
There are two very distinct needs at play here, the love of a woman for her husband and the love of a child for their Father, whom they have now grown into an adult relationship with. The core of each, something that remains forgotten, is still and always will be Love!!
It is the Love that needs to be nurtured and respected.
It is the Love that needs to be free to grow and flourish. It is the Love that needs to know no bounds nor limits in order for its various forms to live in peaceful coexistence. If one party could honour above all else, above all petty jealousies and games and demands for time, attention and affection, could you imagine what a Step Family could look like?
A Note To Step Moms: As an adult child of divorce, I hold no threat to your marriage, but please understand that, sometimes, I just really need some time with My Dad. As much as I appreciate you being a part of my life, the eternal bond with my parent will naturally be stronger and I’d be so grateful to you if you would honour and understand that. It in no way takes away from the splendid relationship between the two of us, which I am thankful for every day, it’s just life, and nature playing out the way that it should.
A Note to the Adult Step Child: As your life grows and you come into your own, relationships in your life change, and you’ll find yourself with less time for those who were integral to your growth. Your Dad, awesome as he is, will treasure each and every moment you choose to spend with him, and just know that the door is always open for you to do so. All we ask, both your Dad and I, is that you also respect this new phase of his life, and although not more important than the time he has spent with you, is how he has now chosen to pass his time and share his love. We were brought together by a mature and understanding love, one that we would enjoy sharing with you whenever you find the time, with the hope that its influence will have a positive and lasting effect for the authenticity it holds. You are so very loved in this house, and time served just makes that more so.
If only these conversations could actually take place. If only Love and Understanding could reign supreme while all else fell by the way side…if only one could extend themselves with compassion, taking into consideration the needs of another…
Oh Wait, One Can…You Can…You have the power to choose…
“Be the change you want to see in the world.” ~ Gandhi
Tough subjects handled with care…phew, and that was a tough one lol :)